The Girlfriend Code

Author: Snax

I may have covered this before, but it bears repeating. Whether you were taught by your sisters or mothers, or instinctively learned the following based on your values, doesn't really matter. What is important is to realize that in order to maintain mature and healthy relationships with other women, it's important to respect the rules. I'm sure I've missed some, but here's the ones I try to follow the most:

Always leave with the person you came with!.

My mom taught me this one early on - if you go to a party with the gals, go home with the gals. And certainly don't leave without telling anyone, it's just common courtesy. 2005 - if you think you might "hook up", let the gals know beforehand (thanks, Teri for that tidbit!)

Don't go after your girlfriends' guys.

If you know a close friend likes someone, be respectful of their feelings and don't start something up with that guy. If it's the ex-boyfriend of a girlfriend, ask BEFORE you get into bed/relationship whether it bothers them, not AFTER. Now granted, this can be a tough one. The dating pool can be quite limited due to a couple of my popular and attractive (in many levels) girlfriends who have similar tastes in men. Just don't go after their ex live-in boyfriend without some discussion. Heck, it's helped weed out a couple that wouldn't have been a good fit for me anyway...

Don't expect your girlfriends not to go after someone you like if it just ain't happening.

Let's be reasonable - if you have liked someone for awhile, but he's not interested, than just move on. If you really like the guy, you'd want him to be happy, right? Unfortunately, it's probably with someone else.

Keep your girlfriends informed.

This doesn't mean that you have to spill every detail, or betray a confidence. However, if you know a guy has been lying, and it could potentially hurt someone, OUT HIM! Your friend should be able to make well-informed decisions - who are you really protecting by not being honest with your girl friend? Worse yet, don't lie to your friends - they'll figure it out eventually.

Don't ask your girlfriends to do your dirty work or worse yet, lie for you.
Good friends don't put one another in uncomfortable situations, and ask them to do something that goes against their morals. I had a boyfriend who became very upset when he and I were woken by a phone call at 4 am. It was the boyfriend of a girl I knew. Apparently, she had told him that she was out with me when she was really out with another guy.
And kudos to my girlfriend who told me "NO" when I asked her to take a call from a drunk ex-boyfriend and tell him not to call. I realized immediately that I needed to deal with the situation myself.

Don't cut off all communication with your girlfriends when you are in a relationship.
Okay, there's all that getting to know someone and the great sex in the start of a relationship, so some solo time with your new beau is expected. However, it's good to maintain healthy relationships with friends as well, and downtime from one another can be beneficial. Oh, and if you DO drop all your friends for months, don't be pissed when they don't have time for you when you've broken up - that's just not right.

Share the good with the bad.
If all you do is tell your girlfriends about the bad things your boyfriend/husband is doing, it makes them wonder why you are with that person. Yes, venting is good, but don't just give them the dirt, talk about the great things he does for you!

Don't complain if you keep dating the same guys.
In the words of my dear grandfather, "sh*T or get off the pot"! If you just keep dating the same type of guy and it doesn't work, try something different. Perpetuating bad habits bring bad results time and time again.

That's it for now, but welcome any comments or observations. Thanks to all the gals who helped me put this together. I learned long ago that having a significant other doesn't make one complete, but having good and trustworthy friends is great support. Luv ya!